Adultery: God Can Restore You If Repentance Occurs

The Bible describes the intoxicating power of passion associated with lust and adultery. Misdirected passion deceives, misleads, and influences…we walk in darkness, stumbling…unable to see what we stumble over. This description well explains why so many caught in sexual sin describe a sense of confusion and a disconnect from God. Adultery moves us from the altar to the courtroom—transforming a couple, once deeply in love, into bitter enemies. Hopes and dreams for the birth of a child, now twisted, become a nightmare for innocent children. Adultery is selfishness at its core.

How sad that sexual appetites often devour our own children, as well as ourselves. Proverbs 9:17-18 describes adultery, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of hell.”

Adultery hardens the heart toward spouses…those who were once loved and cherished now feel insignificant and discarded. Children often feel to blame for not being good enough…trying hard enough. God help our selfish hearts! It would seem, that for loving parents, the thought of this horror would bring sexual sin to a sobering halt.

Sexual sins ultimate goal is to destroy the marriage: “Sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death” (James 1:15). John 10:10 adds, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” Often, the only way out of adulterous and destructive relationships is to do what is right regardless of feelings. Feelings can be unstable and deceptive, but obedience to scriptural truths can be trusted.

he pain of adultery can make us bitter, or it can make us better—ultimately, it’s our choice. God can restore a person if the person is willing to admit that they are wrong. True repentance is unconditional and takes full responsibility for wrongs done. A truly repent person is desperate to be forgiven…to focus on what they have done rather than placing blame or responsibility on others. Don’t misunderstand, both spouses have work to do, but this comes later.

Two areas often prevent reconciliation:

  1. Complete separation never occurs. Reconciliation is nearly impossible if complete separation does not occur between the couple involved in adultery. The spouse often feels that this new person makes them feel loved and appreciated, and that may be true, but so did their spouse when they first met. The type of love that God calls us to have does not leave people—people leave it. Deception lies in the fact that we often do not see the full effect of an affair until sin is fully grown. Unrepentant sin brings death to the restoration process…death to clarity, direction, and peace (cf. James 1:14-15).

Sexual sin hardens the heart and closes off forgiveness and brokenness. Again, when we are caught in sin, we are in darkness and we cannot see the things we stumble over. This is deception at its core…we lose the spiritual vision to see truth …believing that God will turn a blind eye, or be unconcerned. Worse yet, some even believe that God directed them to the adulterous relationship.

Completely stepping out of the other person’s life to see where God will lead is the only way to clear vision. I often wonder how many marriages are never restored simply because of pride and disobedience. Many “say” that they will stop communicating with the other person, but the truth is that they are afraid to lose the relationship—it’s often a back up plan. The adulterer is often more concerned about the feelings of the other person, rather than the feelings of their spouse and family.

  1. Genuine repentance does not occur. Many are sorry about adultery, but being sorry is not enough…only genuine repentance opens the ears of God and restoration. Many are sorry that they got caught; sorry that their reputation and life are ruined, and so on. The difference between sorrow and repentance is vital because the two can be easily confused. It’s not about “being caught”; it’s about “coming clean.”

It’s possible to be sorry about the consequences of sin, but not truly repentant. A penitent person turns from their sin. They accept full responsibility for their actions without blame, resentment, or bitterness. When repentance is genuine, reconciling with those injured is a priority. Forgiveness is sought without conditions. We take full, not partial, responsibility for our actions.

How can a truly broken and repentant person continue in a relationship that they know is wrong…a relationship that is destroying their family? They can’t. A person who is genuinely repentant will jump at the opportunity to foster restoration. Actions reveal the condition of the heart. Those who are truly repentant often walk away from the affair. (For those interested in learning more about genuine repentance, the message is available on our website and is entitled:

Hearing and Doing.)

There is hope. Don’t give up; lookup. There are consequences for past mistakes, the answers is to live in God’s arms redeemed rather than to live broken outside of His will. Which way will you run?

In Other Christian News:

Why is Big Pharma CENSORING This “Biblical Error”

If you’ve read your Bible, then you know that in Biblical Times…

Folks lived much longer, didn’t suffer from modern diseases…

And were healthy, vibrant, and pain free until the day they died.

Which was often well beyond 100 years of age.

But why did it all change?

Well a controversial Pastor out of Colorado…

Believes he’s stumbled upon the very cause…

A 2,300 year old “error in the book of Exodus” he says.

“Not only did this error change what it meant for me to be a Christian…

But it also saved my wife’s life from arthritis and chronic pain,” said the pastor.

When I looked at pastor Andrew’s video… I was skeptical…

But the undeniable Biblical evidence…

And scientific proof he provides…

Made me realize he’s onto something BIG…

Because this “Exodus Error” ironically could lead to the reversal of diabetes, painful arthritis…

And could even fight deadly cancer cells.

Which is why Big Pharma is trying to censor Pastor Andrew’s message from the general public…

And why you should watch his controversial video right now while you still can.

Click here to discover the Exodus Error that could wipe away your pain and suffering.

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P.S. Because the nature of this message is based on the Word of God…

The secular media and FAKE News Pundits want to censor it…

Which is why you must watch this video right now, before it gets taken down forever.

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How your premarital experiences can affect your future marriage

Your prospects for a happy marriage may be tied to people other than your soon-to-be spouse. For example, the more people who come to your wedding, the better it bodes for your marital bliss. But the more serious premarital relationships you had before, the less likely you are to be happily married later.

A new report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, “Before ‘I Do’: What Do Premarital Experiences Have to Do with Marital Quality Among Today’s Young Adults,” highlights those and other findings on how decisions and experiences before marriage can help or hurt future marriage quality.

Individuals who had more sexual partners or more experience cohabitating are not as likely to have high-quality marriages compared with those who had less, said Galena K. Rhoades, study co-author and research associate professor of psychology at the University of Denver. She said experience may provide benefit in some realms, like employment, but not in the case of marital quality.

The study does not prove cause, emphasized Rhoades and her co-author, Scott Stanley, research professor, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and senior fellow for both the National Marriage Project and the Institute for Family Studies. The results, they said, “may reflect the fact that certain types of people are more likely to engage in certain behaviors.”

The researchers analyzed data from the national Relationship Development Study, tracking more than 1,000 Americans 18 to 34 who were not married but were in a relationship in 2007 and 2008. They followed them for five years, through 11 waves of data collection, then looked closely at 418 who married. The study was controlled for race and ethnicity, years of education, personal income and how religious subjects were.

The report notes a changed sequence of events when it comes to marriage. Courtship once led to marriage, sex and having children, but today as many as 90 percent of couples reportedly have premarital sex, and close to 40 percent of babies are born to unmarried parents. Couples are also more likely to live together before marriage.

The individual relationship histories of two people who will later marry is important, helping shape how satisfying their married life together will be, the study found.

Sexual experience

Men and women who had other sexual partners before marrying each other reported less marital satisfaction than those who slept only with each other. In addition, marital satisfaction was higher for women who had fewer sexual partners, and marital dissatisfaction was greater in proportion to the number of partners.

Having been married previously also corresponded to lower marital quality.

The average respondent had five sexual partners before marriage. Only 23 percent of those who got married had had sex only with the future spouse.

“It’s not that when you say ‘I do’ all the other options disappear from life or mind, but you have decided that this is the one. The key factor is how you manage your sense of alternatives and how good you think those alternatives are,” Stanley said.

He and Rhoades speculate that having had more partners provides fodder for comparison and reminds one there are other choices. Plus, someone with a greater history of relationships also has experienced breakups — and may have developed skills not only to cope with them, but to facilitate them.

Children from previous relationships also sometimes complicate future marriage, the research found.

“In general, couples who wait to have sex later in their relationship report higher levels of marital quality,” the study said. “There are many possible explanations for this link. One is that some people who are already more likely to struggle in romantic relationships — such as people who are impulsive or insecure — are also more likely to have casual sex.”

It’s also possible, the study noted, that relationships that began as hook-ups may involve partners not as well matched on factors that promote happy marriages, such as shared values, interests and perspectives.

Slide vs. decide

Talking things through and making deliberate decisions helps couples over the long term in ways that drifting along does not.

“Decisions matter,” the study said. “At times of important transitions, the process of making a decision sets up couples to make stronger commitments with better follow-through as they live them out. This is undoubtedly why all cultures have rituals that add force to major decisions about the pathway ahead. We tend to ritualize experiences that are important. Couples who decide rather than slide are saying, ‘our relationship is important, so let’s think about what we’re doing here.’ Making time to talk clearly about potential transitions may contribute to better marriages.”

Couples who slide without deciding where the relationship is heading may find it harder to get out later when they’re sharing furniture and space and have signed leases, among other things. “In short, living together creates a kind of inertia that makes it difficult to change course,” the report said.

People may be “stuck with someone you might not have otherwise married,” Stanley said.

Cohabitating couples face the pressures of dating and the issues of married couples, effectively “sandwiching” them from both sides as they navigate everything from rent to relationship issues. It’s a lot to deal with, Rhoades said, and those “couples are more at risk for trouble.”

The study also found that people who had some form of marital preparation, such as relationship education, had higher marital quality. Rhoades said people need to talk about their relationships and make deliberate decisions, and that couples who live together should consider relationship education.

When it comes time to make some of those deliberate decisions, the report highlights three factors that “represent a grave problem that could become even worse down the road”: different commitment levels, premarital infidelity and physical aggression. Each factor should “lead to serious consideration about a relationship’s future.”

Big wedding, big reward:

“This study finds that couples who have larger wedding parties are more likely to report high-quality marriages,” said W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project and professor of sociology at University of Virginia, in a written statement.

“One possibility here is that couples with larger networks of friends and family may have more help and encouragement in navigating the challenges of married life. Note, however, this finding is not about spending lots of money on a wedding party; it’s about having a good number of friends and family in your corner.”

The researchers speculate that a well-attended public ceremony may reflect “a clear decision to commit to one’s marriage.” They wrote that “wedding ceremonies ritualize the foundation of commitment.”

They originally thought the association between guests and marital quality was about having good financial resources, but the association remained when they controlled for income and education. It is possible the very public nature of the commitment strengthens marital quality, they said.

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Source:
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865609072/How-a-persons-premarital-experiences-affect-his-or-her-future-marriage.html