Former Homosexual Man Paid God $5K to Make Him “Straight”

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31 year old John McCransely of Tucson, AZ explains that he was cured of his “homosexuality” due to a $5,000 donation and a prayer.

McCransely posted this statement on all of his social media accounts:

“For 21 years I lived in sin, I was turned into a homosexual when I was just 10 years old by the Hollywood cinema elite, but I’m relieved to say that I’m no longer a homosexual.

I was drawn sexually to men, pretty much all men, I wasn’t very choosey because I just needed to have sex with men, I couldn’t help it because the sin of homosexuality corrupted my mind when I was just 10 years old while watching the Patrick Swayze movie “Dirty Dancing”. I believe the movie corrupted my soul because all I could think about after seeing it was Patrick Swayze’s backside and how much I wanted to dance with him and be with him.

But thankfully to prayer I have eliminated all desires of the homosexual male habbits from my soul, mind, and body and now I see females as my true fruit.

Last month I went to my church and made a deal with the man upstairs telling him that I would donate $5,000 to the church if he turned me straight. Well 5 days later I woke up a staright man. I wanted to make sure that the homosexuality wouldn’t come back so I attempted to watch “Dirty Dancing” again just to make sure I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to Mr. Swayze, but I decided to not risk the miracle that I was granted and didn’t hit play on my Blue Ray DVD copy of “Dirty Dancing”.

If any homosexual men out there want to be cured like me then I recommend you don’t start with a $5,000…I should have tried donating a few hundred dollars but I was so despearte that I just donated my entire savings while I was praying. I know for a fact that $5,000 will cure homosexuality, but maybe $300 cures it as well.”

During an interview with Tucson’s KGUN-9 News, McCransely told the reporter that he just wants to ‘find a nice woman that I can share an eegee with and potentially marry’.

Get Invited To A Swinger’s Party

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If you have ever wanted to attend a swinger’s party then this is your chance!

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President Trump “Pissed off” about COVID-19 Causing Churches to Shutdown

President Trump on Wednesday said his “single biggest disappointment” is that churches can’t meet during the COVID-19 pandemic and indicated it’s one reason he considered opening the country before Easter.

Although there is no federal policy governing churches meeting during the pandemic, the White House’s Coronavirus Guidelines urge Americans to “avoid social gatherings in groups of more than 10 people.” Vice President Mike Pence previously said the coronavirus is three times more contagious than the flu.

“My biggest disappointment is that churches can’t meet in a time of need,” Trump said, adding that times of need traditionally are “a great time for churches to be together for people.”

“And yet if you do that … you’re really giving this invisible enemy a very big advantage,” Trump said.

Churches, he said, were “one of the reasons” he considered an Easter date for re-opening the country. Trump called it an “aspirational” date. Eventually, he extended the Coronavirus Guidelines until the end of April.

“It’s very, very disappointing,” he said of churches being unable to meet, “but again, [if] you get too close and if somebody’s sick, you’re gonna probably catch it. So you have to be very careful.”

Some states, such as Washington, specifically prohibit churches from meeting. Others, such as Texas and Florida, specifically exempt churches from their coronavirus policy.

The guidelines suggest:

  • Listen to and follow the directions of your state and local authorities.
  • If you feel sick, stay home. Do not go to work. Contact your medical provider.
  • If your children are sick, keep them at home. Contact your medical provider.
  • If someone in your household has tested positive for the coronavirus, keep the entire household at home.
  • If you are an older American, stay home and away from other people.
  • If you are a person with a serious underlying health condition — such as a significant heart or lung problem—stay home and away from other people.
  • Work or engage in schooling from home whenever possible.
  • If you work in a critical infrastructure industry, as defined by the Department of Homeland Security, such as healthcare services and pharmaceutical and food supply, you have a special responsibility to maintain your normal work schedule. You and your employers should follow CDC guidance to protect your health at work.
  • Avoid social gatherings in groups of more than 10 people.
  • Avoid eating or drinking at bars, restaurants, and food courts — use drive-thru, pickup, or delivery options.
  • Avoid discretionary travel, shopping trips, and social visits.
  • Do not visit nursing homes or retirement or long-term care facilities unless to provide critical assistance.
  • Practice good hygiene: wash your hands, especially after touching any frequently used item or surface; avoid touching your face; sneeze or cough into a tissue, or the inside of your elbow; disinfect frequently used items and surfaces as much as possible.

Federal Judges Give The “OK” to Murder Babies

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COVID-19 and Federal judges have something in common: They both don’t mind killing people!

Federal judges in Alabama and Ohio have blocked attempts to restrict abortions during the coronavirus pandemic.

By classing them “non-essential” medical procedures, the states’ sought to temporarily close down abortion clinics and prohibit terminations until the COVID-19 restrictions are lifted. In Alabama, the move was slapped down by District Court Judge Myron Thompson, who heard arguments via video link before postponing the ban until at least April 6. “The State’s interest in immediate enforcement of the March 27 order – a broad mandate aimed primarily at preventing large social gatherings – against abortion providers does not based on the current record, outweigh plaintiffs’ concerns,” the judge said, according to Politico.

In Ohio, a judge ruled that the state’s emergency orders are by definition unconstitutional if they prevent women from obtaining abortions. Judge Michael Barrett subsequently ordered a two-week restraining order on the ban, siding with abortion providers like Planned Parenthood who had launched a legal challenge against the state’s decision.

Despite a similar outcome for Texas earlier in the week, on Tuesday, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the ban – introduced by Attorney General Ken Paxton – be reinstated. As per the court’s ruling, any abortions that are deemed “not medically necessary to preserve the life or health” of the patient will be prohibited.

“I thank the court for their immediate and careful attention to the health and safety needs of Texans suffering from the spread of COVID-19,” Paxton said in a statement Tuesday, according to CBS News. “The temporary stay ordered this afternoon justly prioritizes supplies and personal protective equipment for the medical professionals in need.”